


Just Listen

by Jessica14



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Flashbacks, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kisses, M/M, Older John, Tiny Angst, everyone is older than Alex, long chapters, young Alexander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-16 05:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16079066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessica14/pseuds/Jessica14
Summary: Alexander at the age of 17 is going to College! Great, one problem though...his brother's friends go there too. One who he kissed when he was younger, god hopefully this won't be too awkward!Chapters are using 3000+ except the last two.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of left this fandom I think so the last two chapters are pretty weak. Sorry!!!

**Chapter 1**   
**Listen To Me, Baby**

_Shallow breaths puffed out from her pale lips, hands shaking she wrapped her arms around her quivering boy. "Alexandre," she murmured, pain oozing through her words at the sight of her son. Alexandre's body shook with shuddering gasps and he coughed viciously. "Alexandre," she repeated, her thin fingers squeezing his shoulders. "Listen to me, baby."_

_"I don't want to die, I don't want you to leave me. Don't leave me," he gasped out. Tears that scratch at his skin, scorching hot against his cool skin. He squirmed and fisted the blankets next to him. The memories twisted together and changed constantly._

_"Take your medicine, hijo," his mother continued. Ignoring his pleas, she pressed the spoon to his lips. "Come on," she urged. The liquid slid down his throat and he choked back a wretched sob. "Alexandre you're going to do so much, you're going to blow this world away."_

Alexandre blinked, and he could remember when his mother coughed up blood. He can remember how her cold hand stopped holding his. He can remember when his brother came in to check up on them only to scream when he realized their mother died. He can remember when the landlord pounded on the door, both boys too weak from the lack of food and water to move. When he blinked, his tears blurred away the mixed memories.

_"Hey! Where is the---dear lord!" Pounding ripped the boy out of his thoughts. The room was dark save for the entrance that let light flood in the room. "My boy, where is your mother!?" When he blinked, he can still see her. Her half-lidded eyes lifeless and cold, her lips pressed open with no breaths escaping._

_He can still remember the people flooding in his room as his landlord helped him to ground next to his shivering brother. It was quiet save for the blankets shifting as they wrapped her body. If he stared long enough he can remember her body being carried away. If he thought hard enough he can still feel his mother combing his hair, singing to him, loving him._

_“James,” he croaked out. James Jr. breathed in deeply and turned on his side to face his younger brother. “Is my brother going to be alright? Is he going to die like Mama?” He asked panicked. Their landlord just shook his head and with the help of another man, carried the two boys out of the room._

_“I don’t know, boy. But I do know that your brother and you are going to stay with me, okay?” That was what he had said. But here was Alexander and James Jr. walking with their social worker to meet their cousin. Their cousin they never met in their lives._

His cousin Peter left the two boys alone in favor for his mistress and their child. One day, James Jr. couldn’t take it anymore. One night, he left and when everyone woke up James Jr. was gone. Alexandre theorized that James went to work with the blacksmith he talked about a lot and that James Jr. would come back for him. He never did.

He left Alexandre to deal with his suicidal cousin. He committed suicide when he was 13.

 

  
_"Peter, I got our payment today...?" Alexandre's quirked his lips to a confused smile as he placed his bag on the floor. "Pet--er." His breath hitched, and he stumbled back at the sight. Hanged by a noose was the man, a gun sprawled on the ground with blood dripping down his forehead. **"Peter!"**_

 

He remembered Peter being cut down, remembered as his gravestone was placed near the rest of his family. His father was gone, his mother was gone, his brother was gone, his cousin was gone. Peter left him nothing in his will. Instead everything went to his mistress and their child.

The foster system was full. They threw him around a bit and before he decided to run away another man stepped into the picture. A man by the name of Stevens took him in quickly.

_“I don’t know where your brother is, son,” Stevens told him sympathetically. “But, I do know that you’re safe with me. Look, this is my son Edward and I’m sure you two will be great friends!” Edward and Alexandre looked remarkably similar and that made the villagers confirm their idea that Alexandre’s mother got around._

_The memory changed to another that made his heart pound. The alarms for a hurricane blared throughout the town. "Alexandre!" A friend of his screamed as he was dragged under. His eyes stung tremendously, his nose burned, and he couldn't breathe. The water had wrapped itself around his legs before lurching his forward, he slammed into a building and was thrown to the left where he caught a gasp of air._

_The waves chopped and filled his mouth and the waves pointed up like sharp rocks. The waves rose, and he was thrown under once again. A hurricane. Stumbling to the top he collapsed to the yellow sky the last he saw. In the eye of the hurricane...When his eyes struggled to open he caught sight of his home. Houses were ripped from the ground, bodies were spewed around with trees that collapsed soon after._

_"Take the pain away, mommy. I don't want to die," a little boy whispered. Something cold wrapped itself around his ankle. A boy stared up at him before his eyes slid shut, a gut-wrenching scream ripped through his throat as he stared at the boy._

 

".... meteors flying about it in the air.... the crash of the falling houses...." His pen flicked across his page, and he looked up, lips in a thin line with eyes filled with fire. He was only 13-years-old.

 

And the town had its eyes on me....

 

"Mmm," he breathed in the fresh ('fresh') air. "New York City....where you can be a new person...."

Another memory takes form.

"Okay, so they say left but I just went left and--" Alexander continued to mumble to himself until he caught sight of someone familiar. "---Okay. Okay," he sighed deeply. He races to the girls and flings himself in front of the blue girl. "Eliza?!"

"Alexandre?!" The girl dressed in blue also known as Eliza, exclaims. "Ohmygod! Alexandre!" She flings her arms up and around his shoulders after she quickly scanned his face. He grunts and hugs her back tightly.

 

_"Eliza," the boy whispered as he creeps around the hall. His hair was growing longer, and he didn't know what to do with it. He met the girl at a fountain and he met her family and he became a child of the Schuyler family._

_"Alexandre?" The girl peered around her chair. Her father was coming down soon to join his family for dinner and Alexandre was invited. The Schuyler family decided to visit the Caribbean’s and that’s where they met as children and he wrote letters to them soon after. "What are you doing?"_

_He was 7 at the time, and his mother, father and brother were invited to join them once Alexander became a part of the Schuyler family._

_"Uh, my hair is a bit too messy," he said sheepishly, and she finally notices his rumpled hair that his mother mustn’t have noticed. Eliza looked down and gestured for him to sit down. She quickly tapped Angelica who immediately opened her purse next to her and passed her the comb. "Thanks," he grinned again. That was a while ago, they lost contact for a while because of his father then mother, and then they wrote again. He never told then what happened after._

"Alexander," he corrected her with no explanation. "Angelica! Peggy!" He beamed at the two other teenage girls. Angelica stared at the boy before a warmth exploded in her chest at the sight of her brother. Well, basically her brother. Peggy snapped her gum and stuck to the side to remember the boy who she gossiped to.

"Oh my god Alexander! Are you okay?" Peggy exclaimed when she remembered and barreled herself to the boy. Her hand brushed his hair away, her heart trembling at the remembrance of his mother passing away and then the disappearance of his brother. Although, that was all the Schuyler family knew about his family, afterwards he stopped informing them of his tragedies.

"Ha, I'm good. How are you guys?" Angelica being the oldest towered over the young 13-year-old. "Uhh, hi?"

"Alexander what are you doing on the streets? You are 13 but you look younger! Someone can kidnap you! Where is your guardian?" She demanded and made herself taller when a man passed by the young teens.

"Oh, uh I don't really have a family anymore," he said quietly. "I'm here to meet my foster parents actually but the thing is I kind of got distracted and got lost." And that's how the teens wandered around before asking him questions of who it may be. "The Washington’s."

  
Angelica smacked her forehead and dragged them all to the large house. And that's where he lived for most of his life, he isolated himself in his room, he never talked to Lafayette his foster brother.   
The Schuyler family was more like his family then the Washington's. That was 4 years ago. Alexander was currently 17 and was scribbling in his notebook.

His phone vibrated near him and he picked the device up and gasped. His eyes danced around the words and his hands trembled. "Martha! Martha! George! Martha!" He screamed, the loudest he ever been within the 4 years he lived there. He ignored Lafayette and his friends, he never really talked to them because they were all 3+ years older than him.

"Alexander, what is wrong? I never heard you sneeze for the 4 years you lived here! And here you are screaming?!" Lafayette asked Alexander bewildered. He was older than Alexander, 19 and already in college. John Laurens and Hercules Mulligan look at Alexander confused.

"I got a scholarship!" He yelled loudly and shook his phone around triumphantly. The boy’s mouths hang open and he shouted and ran into the kitchen. "I'm going to college!" Alexander hollered and cheered, his cheeks burned red and he immediately ran out of the house, dialing Eliza's number.

"Alexan--!" He heard Laurens call him distantly before being interrupted by Lafayette. Alexander had the tendency to run out of the house to tell the Schuyler family something, he always ran out of his home in the Caribbean’s as long as he came home free of injuries.

 

"Eliza! Eliza! You would not believe--!" He stopped to catch his breath and rings the doorbell repeatedly. He heard the girl’s mother laugh and their father chuckle but all he can think about is, scholarship. "I got a scholarship!" He ended the call of his phone to fling himself on Angelica.

She yelped and caught the little boy and cradled him. "I'm going to college! I'll be a freshman, sure but at least I'll be with you all!" Alexander beamed and Catherine and Philip Schuyler glance at each other surprised.

"Alexander, that's great!" Catherine exclaimed, and Peggy cheered loudly. ("I won't be the youngest of the group in college, now!" She yelled) "We're so proud of you!" His heart swelled. "I never seen you so HAPPY and loud!" She bellowed out a laugh and hugged the boy. He smiled shyly and tucked himself into her comforting arms.

He took days to pack, and before he knew it, it was time to go.

A car slowed itself to a stop in front of Alexander. "Alright, well George will see you there, okay Alexander?" Martha said as she squeezed his shoulder. George left early to get to work as one of the Professors in Alexander's college. "Have fun," she said and watches as the figures inside grapple around shouting. "Oh boy..." she said under her breath.

"Non! He is my..." the door flung open and Lafayette popped out grunting, the sound strain as he fought past his two friends. "... _brother!"_ He shouted and tumbled out. Alexander chuckled and bended down to see his brother who was also adopted by the Washington's. "Oui! Let's go!"

Lafayette helped Alexander with his bags and tucked them into the back before slamming it shut. "Soo, Alexander," John said as twisted himself around to grin at the boy. The car lurched forward, and Alexander stared out the window to wave at Martha. "You excited?"

John Laurens befriended Lafayette at around the age of 16 maybe, Alexander thought as he turned to stare at him. John is currently 20 and he and Hercules were the oldest.

"Yeah," Alexander said shyly. He straightened up and with wonder in his eyes he babbled, "I want to make my mark, you know? I think things are finally looking up for me, ever since mom died I had to make sure her words didn't go to waste and disappear into a whisper of forgotten winds, I have a feeling this would all turn around!" He stopped to take in a big gulp of air.

John shared a shocked glance with everyone. "Well...I'm glad you think that. We need an optimistic person to lift us pessimistic people," John said with a cool ease. Hercules was trying to wrap his head around Hamilton's words and Lafayette was frowning.

"Hey! I'm not a pessimist!"

Alexander leaned his head against the window and sighs. He was anything but optimistic, he experienced firsthand the dangers and reality of the world and he sure as hell wasn't the brightest person. Nonetheless he laughed at Lafayette who whacked John's seat and when John protested.

He was going to do it. He was going to blow them all away. He had to. For his mother. "Hey, how long is it going to take to get there?" Alexander asked Hercules as he leaned forward. Hercules glanced at John who was spewing out protests at Lafayette who was waving his phone. Alexander didn't understand what was happening.

"Just an hour drive," Hercules responded. "Hey, hey! No fighting in the car unless you want us all dead in a car crash!" He barked before smiling in satisfaction at the silence.

_"Putain,"_ Lafayette said quietly. John looked confused before smiling in amusement when Alexander snorted. Hercules eyes narrowed. "What?!" Lafayette shouted defensively. "I called you all pretty!" He screamed when John whacked him with his hand.

"Lafayette," Alexander piped up and grinned. "Don't be a bitch." He snorted at the face Lafayette screwed his face in and yelled when the Frenchman leaned over to smack him. "Hercules! They're hitting me!" Hercules sighed and speeds up a bit.

"How dare you hit the baby of our group!" John gasped loudly and laughed as he snapped his rubber band to the Frenchman. Alexander bended his body to the side and yelled, ("ah!") When his fingers poke his side. "Oooh! You're sensitive!" He yelled and charged at the small boy who screamed and squirmed away.

 

The hour went by quickly. 

  
"Honestly," Hercules sighed in annoyance as they all step out of his car. "I don't know what to do with you guys." Alexander watched as they squabbled around for a bit with a smile.

"Honestly, Herc," sighed John and Lafayette in unison, "stop being such a mom/dad." John snapped his head at the Frenchman in offense.

_"Mom?!_ "

"Dad?! John, Mon ami Hercules is not acting like a da--!"

"What do you mean?! I--!"

"So, Alexander, let's get you signed in," Hercules said to Alexander and led him to the entrance. He smiled nervously when the volume of their shouting increased. "Hi, his name is Alexander...Hamilton yup that one." The woman behind the desk glanced at the squabbling duo before focusing on Alexander.

"Of course, your dorm number is 34, in the C building," she said and clicked a key. "Your schedule," she whipped out a paper. "Your keys don't lose them they're your only pair."

"Cool, thanks," Hercules said and nods. "Hey, dipshits! Looks like Alexander is staying with none of us," Hercules said to the two. Lafayette and Laurens deflate simultaneously. "Aw don't be like that, who knows. Do any of you live in dorm 34?"

"Me!" John shouted triumphantly. He swung his arm around Alexander's shoulders, "but we share with Jefferson, aw. I can't have little Lexi to myself," John whined teasingly. Alexander scoffed with pink cheeks, Lafayette rolled his eyes and smacked the taller boy. "Man, stop abusing me," he complained.

"I don't know," Alexander piped up nervously. "How is Thomas? How even are you? I don't know you much either." John glanced down at the shorter boy and smiled.

"What? We shared a kiss before, Alex!" John shouted in dismay. Alexander sputtered out protests while Hercules barked out a laugh. It was a dare, the only time Lafayette got Alexander out of his room to play with him and his friends. It ended with Alexander having to peck Laurens as a dare before he rushed up to his room to hide. You can say that was the last time Alexander played with his brother and his friends.

"I was like 13 and you were like a friggin pedophile!" Alexander shot back. John immediately protested, ("I was only 16!")

"Thomas is fine," Lafayette said instead. "He can be stubborn and obnoxious but I'm sure everything will be fine," he continued reassuringly. "Ah! Here we are!" They all stop at the door and John unlocked the door and ushered them in.

"Oh, honey I'm home!" John yelled out obnoxiously. The room was large, with a sofa and two comfortable looking seats sat on each of the side, all facing the tv. As far as Alexander can see their room was large and that was good because he thinks being squished to your roommates isn't exactly ideal.

"Oh no," a voice groans before revealing themselves. He was tall, Alexander thought sourly, but attractive I'll give him that. "I thought you finally left me alone, John take your homosexuality somewhere else." He scowled before taking notice to the newest member. "Who's this?"

"I'm Alexander, your new homosexual roommate," Alexander said with a shit-eating grin. John laughed and flushed Alexander to his side. "No, but in all honesty, I hope that doesn't bother you because it really isn't going anywhere," he said honestly. Thomas--he assumed-runs his eyes over his small thin frame before sighing.

"Alright, you'll be a exception," he drawled out. ("Oh what?" John complained) "Don't mind Johnathon here, he's the flirty reckless type. I suggest you stay with me unless you're looking to do some..." he hesitated, "not some hetereo things at night." Thomas winks and ignores John's protests. "The names Thomas Jefferson, darlin' and I suggest you keep your pretty self on guard or else John will eat you alive."

"Not true!" John protested loudly. Lafayette sighed loudly and pushed past the two to dramatically collapse on the couch. "Lafayette come on defend my honor like the marquis you are!" Lafayette happened to be a descendant of a general in the war, hence his title--he inherited it--in his name and his richness that came with him when he got adopted by Washington. Currently he owns a huge Mansion because of it.

"I don't know, John," Lafayette said and turned to his brother while Hercules seats himself next to him. "Alexander, John may eat you out--" John threw himself onto the couch, on top of Lafayette. "No John, not me!" Thomas sighed and motioned Alexander to a room.

"This is your room, if you need anything my room is there, and John is there," Thomas said and pointed to the closed doors. Alexander nodded and opened the door and pulled his suitcase in with the help of Thomas. "Welcome to College, Alexander, hopefully I'll see you walking by the end of the week and not limping." Alexander's cheeks grew hot and he smacked the taller man's arm.

They step out into the living room to see John dramatically sprawl himself on the ground after Hercules nudged him. "Oof." He looked like a starfish. ("Disappointment," Thomas sighed behind him) "Hey, Alex. You said you were a homeos--sex--oh I haven't had sex in a while," John said thoughtfully after he cuts his sentence short with a yawn.

"Information not really needed," Alexander said. He plopped down next to his brother followed by Thomas. "Yeah, I'm bisexual, why you asking?" But John was already forming a plan to lure someone to bed with him. "Stop being nasty." He nudged his foot against John's side when John licks his lips and gazed upstairs thoughtfully.

John rolled onto his stomach and sighed. "I'm not," he mutters and pushes himself up. "Somebody, help," he moaned before bolting upwards and pulling Alexander up. "Come on, let me help you unpack." Lafayette made a noise behind them, but Alexander was shoved into his room and he watched as John closed the door.

"Johnathon, what are you doing?" Alexander asked wearily. He barely knew the man and here he was with him on his bed. John shrugs and grabs his suitcase and unzipped it and ripped it up. "Wait---" but John was already unpacking his clothes. "Oh," he blushed when John casually placed his underwear down.

"What?" John glanced up and smirked. "Aw is little Lexi embarrassed?" He teased and leaned closer, "flustered maybe?" Alexander rolled his eyes and pushed the taller off his bed. "Oof!"

"Watch it, you pedophile," Alexander teased. John huffs and lied sprawled on the carpet on his stomach. Alexander slipped down from his bed to straddle John's torso. "Well I guess it isn't illegal, only a 3-year difference you know?" He leaned his head down to lean it against John's and feel it hot.

"What is this?" Alexander said feigning shock. "Is Johnny embarrassed?" He paused and leaned closer again to whisper with a wolfish grin. "Flustered, perhaps?" He leaned back with a laugh when John shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah--" he was shoved onto his back with John towering over him. "Wait, wait, wait--" Alexander stuttered and gasped out a laugh when John sunk his fingers into his side. "No, Johnny!" He squirmed and screamed when John attacked his sides with tickles.

"What are you doing--oh!" Lafayette barreled in the room and stared at the sight. His brother, who he never really heard laugh was laughing with tears in his eyes squirming in delight. Lafayette looked at John to see his best friend chuckling and dodging all the hits Alexander aimed at him. "I think all will be well," he told the two-Hercules and Thomas


	2. how awkward!

_"Alexandre," Lafayette sang as he rapped his knuckles against the door. Alexander creaked the door open to stare at his 15-year-old brother. "Come, come I shall introduce you to mes amis! You will like them surely!" Alexander glanced back at his unpacked bag before grabbing the French boy’s hand._

_In the living room, were two boys. They were taller than me by a mile, Alexander thought surly. The tallest was babbling on and on about what he just did while the shorter--still taller than Alexander was staring at the two come down the stairs. "Hey, Lafayette! Is he the kid?" The shorter asked loudly. The taller stop talking to turn and stare at Alexander as well._

_"Oui, Hercules, this is my brother," Lafayette said proudly. "He is only 13 so be gentle with him. We will see him in school Monday!" Alexander stared at the taller, what was his name? "Alexander, this is Hercules Mulligan," he pointed to the shortest who waves, "and that is John Laurens," he pointed to the tallest._

_"Aw, wait how are you going to join us in high school? Aren't you supposed to be in middle school? Or do you have one of those funky birthdays?" John questioned, and Alexander seated himself next to him._

_"Actually, my birthday is on January 11 and no I am not going to middle school. I'm going to high school with you. I skipped a few grades," Alexander explained. John did the math in his head and gasped. "I'm going to be one below you though," he shrugged._

_"What are we doing, anyways?" Hercules asked and Lafayette grinned as he held up a bottle._

_A half an hour goes by..._

_"Alexander, truth or dare?" Lafayette said, all evil like as he tapped his fingers together. Alexander stared at the clock above them ticking away, he just came yesterday, recently adopted by the Washington's, he didn't even know them all that well._

_"Dare."_

_"I dare you to...uh..." Lafayette drew a blank and glanced at Hercules helplessly. Obviously not wanting to be involved in the dare he leaned closer and whispered one to Lafayette. "Oh! I dare you to make--I means kiss John!" But the dare flew over Alexander's head because he was struggling to comprehend his brother’s grammar. ('Means' he thought over surly as he replayed the sentence over in his head)._

_"Wait what?" But John was already grinning and leaning forward to peck the small boy. He jolted upwards in shock when he was met face to chest and when he tipped his head up his lips brushed John's---_

Alexander bolted upwards and twisted around in sheets in a desperate attempt to leave the bed. He fell on the ground with the sheets tightening around his legs with a corner draped over his eyes. "What the hell--!" He quieted his shout when he realized that this is the present, not 4 years ago when he was 13 and dared to kiss Laurens. He slumped against the floor in defeat and jumped when the door slammed open.

"Alexander?!--oh," he heard John's voice. "What are you doing on the floor?" Alexander whined at this and goes to kick at the boy but the sheets tighten once again. "Ooh," John said in understanding before grabbing the blanket and ripping it off.

"Thanks," Alexander said dryly as the cold air surrounds him. He jumped when he feels John lay next to him. When he opens his eyes, he's staring straight into John's. His cheeks were still burning from his dream but now they were blazing at the sight of the real thing.

"What were you dreaming about?" John asked when he noticed the red bloom in the boys cheeks. "Was it something sexy? Was it," he paused dramatically, "me?" He draped his arm around Alexander and pulled him in closer when the boy stared at him wide-eye. "Aw come on, Lexi, admit it--"

The door swung open again with a Thomas towering over them. "What are you doing, Laurens?" Instead of waiting for a response he leaned forward and grabbed Alexander. John's protests fall on deafs ears as Alexander is dragged away from admitting that John wasn't too far from the true. "Sit."

Alexander hopped on the stool and crossed his ankles together in embarrassment. Thomas sighed and continued at making his pancakes. "Want some, kid?" Alexander looked up and nodded shyly. Thomas smiled at this and continued to pour it into a pan. "No need to be all cute. I'll make us some pancakes but none for John, how does that sound?"

Alexander chuckled, "I'm down with it." Thomas smiled again and before they knew it the pancakes were done. John stumbled out of the room and complained when he noticed there's not any for him. Eventually feeling guilty (Alexander didn't even eat this much anyways when he was in the Caribbean’s) Alexander gave him one of his.

"Well, I have to go and meet James but I don't--" Thomas stopped and glanced at the two. "I don't trust you to stay here all alone. Alexander come with me, John you can too but we'll be going to the library." John looked up from his pancakes and waved them off before vaguely motioning downstairs.

"He's going to Lafayette's and Hercules room," Thomas told Alexander when he glanced at him confused. "Come on." Alexander wiped his mouth and quickly got dressed. When they reach the door he bent down to slip his vans on. "Bye, John!"

Thomas was talking about his friend, James Madison and Alexander was only half paying attention when they reached the library. "Oh wow," he said under his breath and pushed the doors open. Thomas seemed to straighten up as he placed his hand on Alexander's shoulder to point out somebody. But, Alexander's eyes are drawn to the girl dressed in blue.

"Eliza!" He whispered as Thomas goes to the boy sitting across the room. The girl dressed in blue looked up, her hair falling over her shoulders. She smiled at the sight of the familiar small boy and motioned for him to come sit. Alexander-without hesitation-sat down next to her.

"Alexander, hi! What are you doing here?" Eliza smiled warmly and placed her hand on his. Alexander's chest tightens a bit-finally home-and he smiled at her.

"I came with Thomas--my roommate," he clarified after a moment. "He needed to see his friend, James. What are you doing here?" Elizabeth smiled and motioned to the watercolor piece that was on the table.

"John gave this to me a while back and I just found it in my book bag. Anyways, Peggy has to do a project and we came to do some research for her." Alexander's heart swelled at the kindness of her actions. Eliza's a good older sister, he thought, not at all like James. Growing up with her, he became accustomed to her sweetness and was in awe at how she treated her sisters and never left her siblings behind.

Sometimes, he wondered what James was like. He doesn't remember him much, just that he left when he was needed. It doesn't matter anyways, he continued, he would've died in the hurricane. "Alexander?" He looked up to see Angelica standing there with her laptop tucked underneath her arm.

"Angelica!" He stood up and hugs her. She shifted her laptop to a position where it wasn't jabbing him and wrapped her arm around his back. Her hand held itself on the back of his head like she was protecting him from the harsh of reality. If only she knew.

"Hey, not to ruin the moment or anything but I kind of need help," a voice said behind them. Peggy was there with books stacked high in her arms. Alexander carried most of the books and smiled when Peggy wrapped her arm around him in a tight hug.

It doesn't matter, he thought as he sat the books down. James wasn't here, and it's okay. Besides, he looked at the three girls, I already got my three older sisters with me, he glanced at Peggy. He knew that she feels suffocated at times, and he was damned on making sure she never felt the way he did as a kid, abandoned.

"Well, I have to go back to Thomas," Alexander said as he turns to see his roommate looking around. "I think he thinks that I vanished. I'll talk to you all later, yeah?" The girls hummed in agreement. When he came closer to the boy he could hear him mumbling to James about...kidnappers?

"Thomas please, he's an adult who is allowed to wander around if he pleases to. You can stop being such a mother about it," the boy--James Madison-sighed.

"Actually, he's not. Lafayette told me he's 17--a minor! He's under my care until he turns freakin' 21 because then he can do legal things!"

"Hey, mother hen," Alexander said. Thomas jumped and whirled around to see him, he dramatically fell on the small boy and hugged him. "Oof--hey a minor here who doesn't have any upper body strength. I can't support your fatass," he teased and nudged the man.

"Hopeless," Thomas sighed and faced his friend once again. "He won't do good in sex---you're not a top are you? Because I don't think that will work out---" he's cut off by Alexander pushing his head away. He was a sputtering, blushing mess. "See James, he needs me."

"Right," he said dryly. "Hi, I'm James Madison. You're Alexander Hamilton?" When Alexander nodded James mocked a sympathetic face. "I'll pray every night for you, Alexander. God knows you'll need all the help you can get if you're rooming with John and Thomas--" Thomas cut him off by pushing him away.

"I can understand John, but me? What do you mean?" Thomas rolled his eyes and sat down next to James. James stood up instead and grabbed the books that were on the desk and motioned for them to follow him.

"Okay, thanks for coming with me in getting my shit," James said eventually when they walked out of the library. The sun beamed on them brightly causing the two to squint against the light while Alexander seemed unaffected by its rays. Growing up in the Caribbean had its perks.

Thomas seemed to say something, but it wasn’t heard by Alexander. Alexander was focused on the sight in front of him, just across the street. His roommate, John was there leaning against the streetlight with another boy. His lips were curled into a smirk and the blonde boy seemed to be blushing. Thomas, seeming to sense Alexander's hurricane of a mind wrapped his arm around his waist protectively-like Angelica would do to him and her sisters.

The touch was somewhat comforting, so Alexander turned away slowly and leaned into his embrace. Thomas tightened his grip, again it felt like they were trying to shield Alexander from the world. "Hey, you okay?" James eventually asked. Alexander made a noise against Thomas' side and James stood by his exposed side.

"Come on, we're crossing the street," Thomas told his two short friends. Alexander straightened up when he heard the familiar voice. "Oh, hey John uhm..." Thomas drew a blank when he notices the blonde boy who pushed his hair behind his ears to reveal his piercing.

"Hi, I'm Francis Kinloch," Francis introduced himself. Alexander took note of the flustered tone he tried to hide.

"Hey, guys," John immediately brightened. "I thought you guys were going to the library?" Then he noticed the books James had tucked under his arm. "Oh, you already did. Come hang out with us!"

Lafayette then Hercules come from the store behind John. "Oh," John's eyes trailed down to Thomas' arm wrapped around Alexander. "Okay. I see what's going on--"

"Man, you're such a predator," groaned Thomas. "Just let it go." Lafayette finally looked up from his phone to see Alexander. Alexander looked at the five bags in both arms and raised a brow.

"Alexander! I did not know you were joining us!" Lafayette said loudly and joyfully. John shot Thomas a smug grin, Francis looked at the two men confused and honestly still flustered. ("Well, I'm just going to go--" but nobody paid him attention).

"Come, come, we are going back to the dorms to help Hercules with a project he must do!" Lafayette then ripped Alexander away from Thomas and started dragging him away. Alexander made a noise of protest but followed after him with quick strides to match with Lafayette's long strides.

"Lafayette, slow down a bit!" "Can--we---slow d-down a bit!?" Alexander heard his friends protests and felt guilty when he heard James wheezes. "Lafayette, you're dragging the poor boy!"

"Lafayette, wait--!" Alexander shouted as he crashed into someone. They both collapsed, and their legs tangled together. Miserable, Alexander slumped back onto the ground. "Thanks, I really appreciate it," Alexander said dryly to Lafayette who immediately crouches down to help. Except, his bags swung and almost smacked Alexander, so his attempt was futile.

"As geez, my bad. I should have watched where I was going," the voice said apologetically. When Alexander looked up his heart did a few stuttering steps at the sight of him. Holy shit, he's hot, his eyes followed the man's movement as he crouched down to help Alexander up. "I'm sorry, again but in return I'll give you my name, name's John André. I can make it up to you with coffee?"

André shrugged once he finished talking looking a bit uncomfortable at the staring coming from the little redhead. But who could blame him? André has brown hair that has a tint of red and handsome blue eyes so screw Hamilton for admiring him. "Hm? Oh, yes of course that would be great!"

Alexander grabbed his hand and André helped him off the ground with ease. "I'm Alexander Hamilton," Alexander offered generously and smiled up at him. His confidence grew at the sight of André smiling.

"Well, if you're not busy we could go now?"

"Oh no, I'm not busy," Alexander said quickly. André grinned and offered him his arm which Alexander graciously took. Alexander spared Lafayette a quick glance and winked at the shocked Frenchman.

"Well, I didn't expect that," John said as he watched the two walk away. "That fucker can be smooth if he wants to."

"Oh, I know. Alexander is like a hurricane, harsh winds ready to defend himself and cut you but if you get in the eye of the hurricane you'll find something calm and quiet," Lafayette said absentmindedly. Hercules blinked at the man before motioning them to continue walking. "I do not believe Alexander sometimes. He's so shy when he's with us," Lafayette motioned to John and Hercules, "and then he's over there on a date with a man!"

"Unbelievable," James said plainly.

Meanwhile, Alexander and André were having a conversation in French. Alexander found that André has a lively and pleasant manner and could draw, paint, and cut silhouette pictures, as well as sing and write verse. He's fluent in English, French, German, and Italian. He also wrote many comic verses.

 _"Ah, here we are! What would you like, Alex?"_ André asked. Alexander simply asked for black and they both walked up to the woman who was staring outside, bored. "Just a black, please. I just had coffee that's why," he said to Alexander when he didn’t order anything for himself.

"Right, $4.50 please. Thank you."

"So, you're saying that you don't know anybody that well, right?" André said continuing in English. They walked to the seats near the windows. "That sucks. To have your brothers best friend as a roommate and having kissed him as a kid and not interacting with him since."

"Tell me about it," Alexander said and rolled his eyes. "I just never really interacted with someone, so I can't tell if someone is trying to--I don't know court me or something," Alexander continued and shrugged. André nodded, realization and understanding dawning on him.

"That's understandable. I'm not the best at it either."

"Say if he were interested in me, that would be a bit weird seeing as he's my brothers’ best friend!" André wasn't expecting a date like this to go this way, but he figured that Alexander didn't see it that way and that Alexander just assumed that André was actually paying him back with coffee. Well, André isn't wrong.

"Hm. Well, there is this girl that I like, and I can't tell if she likes me either, so I guess we're in the same boat. I'm glad that we're just choosing to stay friends because honestly I need some more," André said lightly. Alexander cracked a grin and nodded in agreement.

"Me too. Say do you want to head back to my dorm to continue this talk?"

Later, John struggled to open the door to his dorm before it clicked open. "Finally!" He waltzed in followed by Lafayette and Hercules. Thomas and James headed off somewhere halfway through their walk back to the dorms. "Hello?! Alexander, you home?"

They walked into the living room to see André on the floor texting somebody with the help of Alexander. John quirked a confused smile and watched in amusement as they both jump. "She said yes! _Yes!"_ André shouted in excitement and Alexander finally noticed the three.

"Hi." John's smile widened, and he jumped on the couch to swing his legs over to crouch next to him. "What did I miss?" Alexander questioned and stared at John who leaned against him to see what André was doing. "André just scored a date with his crush--" Lafayette peaked his head through the doorframe from the kitchen, "and now he owes me a pretzel for it!"

"Oh," Lafayette said, coming to the conclusion that the two didn't actually go on a date. John and Hercules seem to think that too. "Well, André you have to leave now because it is getting late and tomorrow is when classes start for Alexander," Lafayette told André. André nodded and left with his eyes glued to the screen.

Once, Lafayette was sure that André was gone he took a seat next to Alexander. "So, I assume that you're date didn't go well?" He placed his hand on his shoulder apologetically and even Laurens looked curious. Alexander jerked his head up in surprise, eyes wide and blue.

"That was a date?!" Hercules threw his head back and laughed. His laugh cut short to Lafayette shooting him a icy glare. "Oh shit, I didn't know. I was talking about things that shouldn't be mentioned in a date," Alexander admitted. "I didn't know. It's okay, we decided to stay friends and I helped him get a date with a girl he likes!"

Lafayette stared at him dumbfounded and Laurens, seemingly satisfied with his response, was already going through Alexander's phone. "Oh," Lafayette said and watched as Laurens fiddled with the device in frustration. "John, what are you doing?"

"Alexander, your phone is so boring! I have nothing to use against you," John complained. Alexander grabbed his phone and locked it, shuffling to his feet he motioned to his closed door.

  
"Good. Anyways, I got some work to do," he said. "I'll see you guys tomorrow, or something. Good night." They watched as he shut the door and vanished from their sight. Hercules knocked John and tilted his head to the clock. 5:35. Their brows furrowed together.


	3. Confusion

  
"Rise and shine, sunshine--!" John barged in the room only to stop at the sight. Alexander looked up slowly, his eyes squinting at the light streaming from the door. Glasses dangled loosely on his nose, his hair a mess with purple rings underneath his eyes. "Did you even sleep, Alexander?"

"Sleep? What do you mean, it's only 7---okay it's the next day," Alexander said slowly in realization as he checked his phone. "I'm not ready for class," he sighed and slumped further down his bed. John slowly inched towards the door before slamming it open again, the wood banging harshly against the wall, the walls shook. "John!"

John laughed and turned on his heel only to come face to face with a glowering Thomas. "Well, I'm off to class!" He said nervously and twisted around the tall male and slipped past them wordlessly. Alexander stared at Thomas intensely before tilting to the side and crashing to the ground.

"Hopeless," Thomas sighed and leaned down to help the boy up. Alexander shot up and grabbed his bag to drag it across the floor as he headed for the door. "Breakfast is on the damn table, by the way! You're welcome!" Thomas shouted, and Alexander only made a small noise of acknowledgment.

On the way to class, Alexander found himself walking side by side with Francis. Quietly, he walked down the steps before--- "So, you're John's friend, right?" Francis asked, nonchalantly as he ate a bagel. Alexander only shrugged, agitated Francis tried again. "How has he been?"

Alexander slowly, feeling awkward, checked his phone to check the time. "He's doing fine," he said as he read _1 missed test from John_ on his lock screen. He clicked on it and glanced at it to see a picture of a notebook and--with what he assumes-- with meaningless words. "See?" He showed Francis--the picture before he could even read the words because he felt obligated to--who glanced at Alexander.

"Oh, well...I mean, does he have a boyfriend or something?" Alexander stared at him blankly. "Okay look, has he mentioned me at all?" Francis asked frustrated and flustered. Alexander's mind reeled, trying to think back to his conversation with John.

"No," Alexander admitted sheepishly. I honestly almost forgot you existed, Alexander thought. "I'm sorry," he said when Francis stayed quiet. Francis looked ahead before he focused on Alexander.

"Don't be. It's just he did something that made me think--I don't know," Francis admitted as they both cross the street. "Anyways, how are you? I don't think we properly talked to one another," Francis said, clearing his throat and straightening his back.

"I'm fine, thank you," Alexander responded and relief flooded his senses when he recognized the building. "Anyways, this is my building. I'll see you some other time then, Francis." Francis only nodded before turning the corner to enter his building, his mind flashing back to the photo Alexander showed him--- _Miss you, Alexander. Let's hang out later, yeah?_

Alexander breathed in deeply before opening his phone to read the photo properly. _Miss you, Alexander. Let's hang out later, yeah?_ Oh, Alexander thought as his fingers hovered over the keyboard. _Sure. I'm off to class now :)_

Hesitantly, he sent the text before a shout caught his attention. "Alexander!" Angelica was there in front of him, hand on his back, guiding him in the room confidently. "How are you, my--who you texting?" Angelica swiftly read the text and whistled lowly. "Damn, Laurens, already making a move on my man?!"

"Hamilton, I thought you promised me your hand for marriage!" Angelica continued in mock distraught. Alexander stared at her blankly.

"Buy me my ring," Alexander said and she laughed. "Preferable diamond, thank you, sir. I'll make sure my father is aware that he'll be sending his daughter away to marry a Schuyler," Alexander continued, jokingly. Angelica grinned and guided him to sit down in the front.

"Make a note on that. I'm thinking, June, what do you think? For the wedding, of course."

"Incest," was his reply. The Professor walked in and placed a suitcase down on the ground.

 

After all his classes, Alexander found himself in the library already setting his laptop down to finish his assignments. Clicking on the documents he ignored the time and dived right into work. "Alexander!" His head snapped up at the yell of his name and John Laurens was standing right next to him. He dropped to the ground and forced Alexander to look at him.

"Alexander, do you even know what time it is?!" Alexander only blinked blearily and looked at the time, 8:45 pm. Huh. He swore it was still 4 in the afternoon.

"Alexander, we were all worried sick!" His breath smelled funny, Alexander thought as he glanced away, smells familiar. Beer. He realized.

"Well, would you look at that!" Alexander shot up from his seat nervously and grabbed his things hurriedly. "It's past 8, time for us to go. Do you want water, I want water, I think you should drink water, please drink water," Alexander said rapidly, taking in a deep breath he pushed his bottle to the slightly intoxicated Laurens.

"Wha--no I don't--Alex." His voice made Alexander stop from nervously jamming his laptop and books in his messenger bag. "Alex. Look at me, look you're only 17 and we're all going to worry, okay? If you're going out you need to at least tell us, leave a note or something. You worry me sometimes, you know?"

Before Alexander can respond arms flung themselves around his neck. "Alexander! What the hell?! You can't just leave us like that! And for hours!" But Alexander wasn't paying attention to Angelica who was scolding him.

Oh no, he was thinking about what John just said, _'you worry me sometimes...'_ His cheeks bloomed red, he faced Angelica with a look. "Start planning that wedding, mister," he said his voice cracking. Angelica shot him a questioning look before smelling the sharp smell of beer.

"Are you drinking?" She asked Alexander in disbelief. He shook his head rapidly, he pointed to John who was staring at them dumbfounded while leaning against the table heavily. "You're drinking? In a library?!" She hissed at him before noticing his look.

"Come on, we're leaving, Thomas is a nervous wreck. The things you do to him, Alexander," she said with a shake of her head not clarifying if she meant John or Thomas. "Alexander, can you--or do you want me to lug him back? We just need to take my car," she said hesitantly.

Alexander just grabbed John's arm and dragged it across his shoulders to hold the taller man up while supporting him by sliding his arm around his back. John stumbled and leaned heavily against the small boy who--with a bit struggle—strode to the car with ease.

"You said, we were going to hang out later," John mumbled near his ear. Confused, Alexander glanced at Angelica who was on the phone talking to someone who was nervously babbling away. "You told me, we would hang out after your classes. You left me," John clarified and Alexander slowly nodded as realization dawned upon him.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry," Alexander apologized profusely. John stared at the small boy before laughing quietly and pressing his forehead against his shoulder. "John?" He rested his free hand on John's chest hesitantly and John just grins.

"Nothing," John said and shook his head. "Come on. Thomas is going crazy," he continued, and Alexander waited for Angelica to get in the car.

"We'll hang out next time," Alexander promised as he slid in the back.

  
"Out of my way-- Alexander!" Thomas shouted as he rushed up from the couch. James made a noise before looking up to see the small boy and following after. The moment Alexander stepped foot into the dorm he was being dragged to the couch by Thomas leaving John and Angelica dumbfounded. They straightened their backs and took it all in stride before sitting themselves down on the couch next to him.

"Where did you go? --are you drinking beer?" Thomas stopped and questioned while crinkling his nose in disgust. "You're 17!" He continued ignoring Alexander's protests, "You snuck out to get a beer!"

"It's not me! It's John!"

"It's John, calm your tits," Angelica said at the same time Alexander shouted his protests. John made a pained noise as if their words were physically harming him before he dramatically draped his arm behind them.

"Stop ratting me out, man," John whined. "Thomas no!" John screamed and flung himself forward to avoid Thomas' wrath--he swung a pillow at him violently. "James stop him!"

"Thomas stop it," James said and when Thomas continued to chase John with a pillow he shrugged. "I tried." Alexander snorted and watched the two run around and shout before facing his brother who was staring at him, arms crossed.

"I was at the library," he told him. ("Why can't you be like Alexander, a good child!" Thomas screamed in the background.) Lafayette sighed and smiled fondly down at him before ruffling his hair. _"I don't understand what is happening,"_ Alexander told him calmly in French betraying the emotion of confusion in his words.

"Where were you?" Lafayette asked him, his arm draped on the couch. Thomas and John seemed to be talking quietly while James stood near them. James quietly made a remark that made John recoiling backward looking affronted. Alexander can't help but wonder what they were talking about before looking back at Lafayette.

"I was at the library," Alexander said soothingly. Hercules had tipped his head back to stare at him before nodding. "I'm in College, I have to study. I'm here on a Scholarship, remember?" Alexander couldn’t help but explain. Lafayette smiled and placed his hand on Alexander's back to guide him back to his room.

"Alright, just let us know next time," Lafayette said lightly. "Goodnight, Alexander."

"Goodnight." Then Alexander closed the door and dropped his bag heavily on his desk. He ran his hand through his hair before glancing at the picture of his family.

_"Pictures are very important," his father had said to him. He was crouched next to Alexander who was only 8, staring up at him with wide eyes. "They're kind of like home. Home is not a place we go back to, home does not change, it stays the same. Feels nice, you know?" Alexander nodded,_   
_and his father grinned and picked the little boy up._

_"Of course, you understand," his father said fondly. "You always understand, my smart little Alex," his father continued. Alexander grinned at that and he stared at the photo in his hand. His father on his left and his mother on his right, his brother on his left and Alexander on the right._

Alexander ran his thumb over the photo, his father on his left, mother on his right. Brother on his left, and... Alexander on the right. Without thinking, Alexander pressed his fingers against the photo tightly and rip! The left side of the paper dragged down sharply before it was dropped. It fluttered to the left and right before landing softly on the ground.

When Alexander finally realized what he did he dropped to the ground and hurriedly picked up the left side. Then he stared at it, this left side of his family had left him and his mother. He kicked it under his bed. Then he went to sleep.

 

"What a beautiful day!" John said loudly, he stretched before resting his arm contentedly around Alexander's shoulders. Alexander had a camera wrapped around his neck, and John glanced at it before looking away. "So where to?!" Alexander was glancing around at the seas of people that were approaching them, who were walking away from them.

"I don't know. Do you want to go to the park?" Alexander asked absentmindedly.

"Sure, let's go!" John picked up his pace and Alexander just rested his hand on his arm to not lose him in the sea of people. For a second, he appreciated the thick muscle then he was focusing on the scenery.

John had immediately gone to get the ice cream, Alexander took to sitting down on the bench and snapping a photo. "You like taking photos?" John asked him as he handed him his ice cream.

"Thank you. No, but my father did," Alexander admitted, his eyes looking around. John couldn't help but glance at him curiously, he never really spoke to him after that kiss incident when they were younger meaning John never really got the chance to learn his past. "He considered it home. 'Home is not a place we go back to, home never changes, it stays the same'" Alexander told him exactly what his father told him.

"Like a photo," Alexander finished.

"Huh, I never really thought of it like that," John said as he leaned his back against the bench. "That's cool," he said after a pause of silence. "My dad was just a typical dad, I guess. I mean he was really busy and wanted us to live a really good life which he did well at," John continued. "He just thought he was doing the best for us."

"And to him that was making us work hard and focus on our studies. For him it was me going into Law," John stopped and, on a whim, continued. "It was hard for him ever since my brother died," John said nonchalantly while looking away, Alexander didn't look at him, he noticed.

In fact, Alexander wasn't looking at him in pity he was instead staring at the scenery around them with understanding in his eyes. "I don't remember my brother," Alexander finally said after a moment of silence. "He left soon after my father so maybe when I was 11 or 12. I know it was about a year after my dad left," Alexander continued, and when John glanced at him it was because he noticed the way Alexander's voice seemed to tighten.

"Sorry," Alexander apologized, clearing his throat. "I just...I don't know what that was," he admitted. "I just wonder what it was like to have a brother--I know Lafayette is my brother now," Alexander said quickly when he noticed John about to speak. "But, I mean, I want to know what it would have been like to have someone who just understood," Alexander continued with a sad smile.

"I think that's what we all want, Alexander," John said seriously, now remembering how young Alexander was and realizing that he must have experienced this all at a young age. "But, all we can do is just try to understand other people and help and that sucks all around," John admitted as he wrapped his arm over Alexander's shoulders as if he was trying to hold Alexander together for him.

"Maybe, I don't understand what you went through," John continued even when Alexander turned and slowly tucked his face in his chest. "But, I want you to come to me, to anyone you trust just to tell them these things. It's good to speak about these things because then we can offer some kind of support." He let the conversation end there, if Hamilton wanted to continue it he can if not then that was okay.

Alexander breathed deeply and stayed tucked in his embrace. John was only 20-years-old, how the hell did a 17-year-old boy go through that shit at a young age? God knows what else he went through.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Alexander eventually said, straightening his back. He smoothed his dark locks and checked his ice cream before licking it. "So, what do you want to do now?" John stared at him for a few seconds before Alexander asked, "John?"

"Shit," John said quietly under his breath when he noticed the scar just above Alexander's eyebrow, faint but there. "Mm. Why don't we run around a bit to see if we can get a good photo." Alexander smiled, and John realized that this was the most Alexander ever talked to him or anyone excluding the Schuyler family. He couldn't help but smile before standing up. "Come on."

"And then--" John cut his laugh short when he noticed someone. He coughed violently and when Alexander placed his hand on his arm, concerned, he glanced back at him. Then his eyes shot back to the person then at Alexander and the process repeated. "Oh shit."

"What is it--" Alexander turned around and whipped around quickly when the blonde man looked up and made eye contact with him. Alexander looked up at John with a watery smile that just screamed, _KILL ME!_ He didn't want to catch up with Francis! Not after their last awkward encounter.

"Hey, Alexander!" Francis called out hesitantly. He didn't want to talk to Alexander! The boy had to be 3 years younger than him and yet he somehow managed to steal John away from him! "Hey, John," he said tentatively.

"Uh, hey Francis," John managed to stutter out. He could tell his face was hot and when he looked at the younger boy he seemed to be trying to slip away. Alexander looked up and offered him a cool smile that was completely different from his watery smile.

"Hello, Francis. What can I do for you?" Alexander asked, seemingly calm and collected. John couldn't help but gawk at him.

"What are you guys doing?" Francis asked instead completely deflecting Alexander's question. Alexander made a noise of protest at that but fell silent, waiting for John to answer. When it became clear that he wasn't he spoke up.

"We're just going around the park. Just taking pictures, you know?" Alexander picked up his camera and tossed it up a bit. "We're actually heading back to the dorms now." Francis glanced at him and smiles, it was forced though before nodding. He turned on his heel and walked away.   
"You going to tell me what that was about?"

"Uhhhh, well," John trailed off, embarrassed. "Bad drunk night," he finally said. Alexander glanced at him, waiting. "Kind of fucked him and we both agreed it was just a one-night stand and he still won't let it go. It happened and that was it, there's no story, nothing," John finished aggressively.

When Alexander was going to sleep he stopped and crouched down next to his bed. Hand gripping his sheets tightly he leaned forward and grabbed the slip of paper. Setting his phone on flashlight he grabbed the tape he bought from the dollar store and teared a piece. "This is my story," Alexander said out loud. "Whether I like it or not, this happened, and I have to embrace it," Alexander finished and taped the picture together.

"Alexander?" Thomas knocked on the door and Alexander stood up just as Thomas opened the door. "What are you doing?" His eyes flickered to Alexander's hands where he held the picture. Alexander calmly slipped it into a frame and looked at him. "Goodnight, Alexander," Thomas said after a moment of silence, clearing his throat.

Alexander flashed him a grateful smile and slipped into bed. "Goodnight, Thomas."


	4. Emotionally Drained

_"That's weird," Peggy said, curling her nose. Angelica stopped braiding her hair and looked down at her, confused. Eliza stopped also, she put down her straightener and looked at her also. Alexander just left their house tired and confused. He had come over the next day after the sleepover._

_"What is, Peggy?" Eliza asked her patiently. Peggy looked up at the familiar sweetness and Eliza was watching her waiting for an answer. In a whim Peggy blurted out._

_"John kissed him," Peggy exclaimed, voice high. "John kissed Alexander, a boy!" Angelica dropped the strands of hair she was toying with and faced her sister fully. "Is that not weird?"_

_"No," Angelica said firmly. "It is weird that John kissed Alexander who he barely knew but it's not weird for a boy to kiss another boy," Angelica continued. Peggy frowned in confusion, Angelica sounded curt and firm. "Peggy," Angelica sighed, "some boys like boys and some girls like girls and sometimes both genders like both or all.”_

_"But why?" Peggy pressed further. Eliza leaned forward and cupped her sisters’ hand._

_"Because sweetie, love is love." They all jumped at their mother’s voice. "We can't help who we love, dear. Some people are very mean though," their mother continued. "And that’s not right how they treat people because of their sexuality. We all just need to be patient and try to understand, okay? If it doesn't affect you then it doesn't matter who they love."_

Peggy stared at Alexander who was watching John and Thomas bicker with a woman. Alexander rolled his eyes and offered his yogurt to Peggy, but she was staring at the woman. "It's just not right!" The woman continued, appalled and baffled. "God did not make woman to like woman or men to like men!"

"Really!?" It was Alexander this time who shouted. The three of them glanced at the small boy, surprised. "Gee, how does it feel to be getting Dms by God every day on how he wants everything to be played out?!" Alexander snorted, indignant. He stands up, head tipped up and he grabbed Peggy's hand and dragged her out of there.

"You're all going to hell!" The woman shrieked. One of the managers slipped through and started towards her.

"Make sure to greet me when I get there!" Alexander yelled back angrily. The door closed on the managers voice cutting through the stunned silence. The manager was angry, but Alexander kept walking. "Anyways, this is a fun way of introducing you guys to the Schuyler sisters."

"Where are your sisters, Peggy?" Alexander asked, seemingly shrugging off the entire thing that just went down. John and Thomas were walking quietly by him. Peggy could never seize being amazed by how much Alexander stunned people.

“They're suppose to be--" Peggy stopped at the ding from her phone. She slipped it out and read a message. “Oh, sorry guys I got to go. Just a sister thing,” Peggy continued and didn't offer Alexander to come. “It was nice meeting you guys,” Peggy finished, shaking their hands before hailing a cab. Feeling a bit awkward on how everything played out Alexander cleared his throat.

“I'm going to the library to study,” Alexander said abruptly to them and turned around and rounded the corner. Thomas and John glanced at each other and shrugged. Alexander slipped his phone out and checked to see if he got any messages before opening the door and walking to a table. He dropped his phone down on the table. It doesn't matter, Alexander rationalized, I don't always have to be notified of Angelica's or Eliza's problems because he isn't family.

Alexander rolled his eyes at himself as he willed himself to not slam his head on the table that was tucked away in the corner. I'm being irrational, Alexander continued, I'm a family friend not a family member. I really need to get better with my thoughts because this Is seriously unhealthy, Alexander stopped and calmly wrote down the date on his notebook.

 

  
“Where is Alexander, Peggy?” Angelica asked when Peggy walked in. The absence of the little boy was strange, she thought frowning. Peggy sat herself next to Eliza and handed her a chocolate bar.

“I thought this was a family matter?” Peggy said, unsure. Eliza looked at her in surprise and she immediately felt a flood of guilt engulf her chest. “Oh wait, shit. You think he took that personally? I wasn’t thinking because after everything that just happened and--"

“It’s okay, Peggy,” Eliza said soothingly. “Mom and Dad just had a little disagreement, but next time do try to remember. Alexander is a very anxious child younger than us. He experienced a lot more than we ever could and that made us his only family,” Eliza continued softly, and Peggy felt tears prick her eyes. Angelica tucked her legs underneath her and whipped out her phone.

“He is my family,” Peggy said desperately. Just the thought of hurting someone she considered as her sensitive younger brother pained her. “I wasn't thinking because my mind was on what that lady said earlier. Can we call him over?” Angelica shook her head.

“He's studying,” Angelica said. “Damn,” she hissed, wincing. “It's alright we'll smooth it out when he's free. Now my question is what the woman said?”

Angelica put her phone down and Peggy shrugged. “She basically said being gay is a sin and that Alexander would go to hell,” Peggy choked up remembering how Alexander's eyes dulled for a second. She just knew he must have soaked it up. “It just sucks that I didn't say shit— _shit!”_ Peggy spat out as she rubbed her eyes.

“It’s okay, Peggy,” Eliza said soothingly. ‘You aren’t always expected to stand up it’s scary. I’m sure Alexander understands,” Eliza finished, and Peggy nodded.

 

Alexander was still writing down notes from his textbook when it started to drizzle. It was 4 years ago, Alexander thought surly, yet it still makes me uncomfortable. He crosses his ankles and scratches out a mistake he made, at least it isn’t as bad as when I was younger.

_Alexander breathed in deeply, coughing vigorously at the small specks of salt he inhaled that scratched at his throat. He was pressed against the wall struggling against the rolls of water that came rushing in the house. His nails dug into the wall as he tried to maneuver himself out of the room and into safety. “No!” He screamed when a roll of water curled upwards and dashed down on him causing his fingers to slip._

_His sob was swallowed by the roar of winds and the crash of the wall nearby. It crumbled quickly, and the waters quickly engulfed it too. Alexander’s eyes widened when the bricks came flying at him. He screamed as he tried to free his foot from whatever was holding him in place. His throat burned as filthy water sloshed its way in his slacked mouth when sharp pain pricked his chest and stomach. He fell unconscious._

Alexander blinked quickly as if trying to get the water droplets off his eyelashes. He coughed quietly in his elbow, his body shaking at the effort. He tried to breathe in, but it ended up with him coughing harder the sound muffled by his elbow. I can’t breathe, for a split-second he thought, not a panic attack, not a panic attack. He closed his eyes trying to steady his pounding heart.

_He closed his eyes trying to steady his pounding heart. Not a panic attack, not another panic attack, he thought tiredly. His body shook, and he felt it pulse by how hard his heart was beating. Tears stung the corners of his eyes as he curled into himself. Rain was pouring outside, and he distantly could hear the scream by the girl who lived next door and the strained shredding noise that came from buildings being ripped from their spots by the hurricane that took place a year ago._

_“Alexander?” Martha knocked on the door, but it sounded faint to his ears. His breaths came out shallow and his vision blurred at the corners of his eyes. His body swayed, and he felt himself tip back. His head smacked against the wall behind him the pain dull, pounding throughout his body._

_“Alexander?” Martha pounded harder, her voice laced with concern. Breathe, he faintly thought as black squiggles started to appear at the edge of his eyes. “Alexander can you at least let me know you’re okay?” Alexander’s mouth felt dry, he felt like he was drowning, and his eyelids felt like they were bruised from the debris that came flying his way._

_“George, get me the keys!” Martha screamed when she heard another thud, Alexander sprawled on the ground. His chest barely rose when they opened the door, breathe, he thought dimly. He could faintly hear Lafayette’s voice when he felt a hand touch his arm. “Alexander?” Martha, he realized._

“Alexander?” A hand touched his arm and Alexander bolted upwards. He had his head burrowed in the crook of his arm on the table but now his back was straight and rigid. “Alexander?”

“Martha! I swear I wasn’t haven’t a panic attack and if I did I promise that I was going to get help,” Alexander blurted out quickly and finished sullenly. His eyesight was fuzzy and all he saw was a figure in front of him. “I promise,” he added weakly as he let his face fall on the table with a thud! Another hand grabbed his arm to steady him, that’s not Martha, he realized.

“Alexander?” Hercules was staring at him wide eye. “What is up with you?” Alexander blinked and squinted, that’s not Martha. Alexander slurred something unintelligible and Hercules glanced outside.

“Come on, I'm taking you back to the dorms,” Hercules said. He grabbed his books and papers, stuffing them in Alexander's messenger bag. Alexander dimly remembered going out in the rain and getting in a car. His head felt too heavy to hold up, so he let it drop against the seats and let his tiredness engulf him.

 

_Someone was talking to him. He couldn’t understand with his eyes burning from the sensation of the overhead lights despite them being closed. It caused the pounding headache to pulse throughout his head. Whoever was talking was holding his hand, playing with his fingers. His arms felt heavy but when he heard a familiar accent he curled his fingers around the ones tracing the lines on his palm._

_They stilled and said something else back in the familiar language. Just like his mother, he thought weakly, just like the one mom used to speak in. His arms felt heavy and his chest hurt, and he could dimly hear the steady beat most likely coming from the heart monitor. He listened back to what the person was saying in French._

“—on,” the person continued. Alexander’s eyes fluttered opened at the sound of the familiar accent. Just like mom, Alexander thought as he swung his legs off the bed and onto the ground. He knocked into his bag making It fall on its side. He ignored the spilled papers and pencils in favor to find whoever was speaking French.

At any other time, Alexander would have immediately connected the French with his brother Lafayette, but his mind was in a daze after finally leaving the mist of anxiety. He gently touched the door to press his ear against it to hear. “Goodnight, John, Thomas,” the person said. When he heard two doors close he opened the door coming face to face with Lafayette. His heart sank when he saw the familiar tall boy, but he didn’t know why.

  
Stop lying, Alexander chided himself, you wished it was your mother instead of Lafayette. “Alexander,” Lafayette breathed out as he hugged the dazed boy. Lafayette couldn’t get the image of Hercules carrying his younger brother out of his head that the image stung his eyes. Alexander felt warm tears threaten to fail before he hugged the taller boy back. _“It’s okay,”_ Lafayette told him in French.

Alexander’s body shook as he let a sob quietly slip past him. That’s your fault, he scolded himself, you gave yourself dumb hope that, that your mother was the one talking. Lafayette tightened his grip around him and they both sat themselves on the couch where he eventually calmed down. Alexander didn’t know how but before he knew it they were talking about their birth parents.

 

“My father had died when he was serving the navy and that was when my mother had dropped me off at the Washington’s because she couldn’t face my grandparents after what she was going to do. She left, promised that she’d come back, and I doubt she even remembers that,” Lafayette explained. “Eventually I got into contact with my grandparents and it was confirmed that the mansion and the money was to be given to me which I have now. It was all in my father’s will, my mother was not mentioned once,” Lafayette finished.

“I don’t remember my father much,” Alexander said dully. “I don’t even know if he was my actually father seeing as there was--,” Alexander stopped and shook his head. “Never mind, anyways he left because my mother was still technically married to another man who was abusive. He left when I was ten leaving my mother, brother and I alone,” Alexander continued.

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” John said, surprised. Lafayette and Alexander both jumped at the new voice. “Sorry, I was just up to get a glass of water,” John backpedaled immediately, flustered. That's a lie, John thought, you did remember that Alexander told you that he had a brother, but you just wanted to have your presence known.

“That’s okay,” Alexander said reassuringly. He motioned for John to sit next to him which John did. “I did have a brother,” Alexander clarified and they both noticed the use of past tense. “He left soon after my mother died when we moved in with my cousin. My mother and I both contracted yellow fever.”

“And it's so dumb,” Alexander remarked harshly. “it’s something us _poor_ would die from.” Alexander snorts and curls into himself. “Well, what about you? What's your parents like?”

John looked up thoughtfully. “My mother died when I was around 16 and that made my father push my sisters and brothers and I harder to live a good life. He's a good father he just makes us do things we don't really like so we can have a good future. But, I am grateful for everything he did and gave me,” John stated gratefully.

“I met the Schuyler family when I was very young,” Alexander added after a moment of silence. “They are my second family. The ‘not broken one' so I am very happy I came here. I see them as my family that did not adopt me,” Alexander quickly stated making Lafayette smile. “I just get a bit sad when I feel like they don't see me as family, is that wrong?”

“Of course not,” John said promptly. “I mean, I would be upset too if something happened to Lafayette and Hercules just shrugged me off and didn't tell me. I think this is something you should talk with the girls with,” John insisted as he lightly squeezed Alexander's arm.

 

  
Alexander stood in front of the Schuyler mansion nervously. He just took the train the next day and now he was questioning his choice of doing so. He rolled his fingers anxiously before knocking on the door tentatively. “Hi—” the door swung open and he was flung backwards several feet by the impact of Peggy slamming into him.

“Alexander!” She gasped and clung onto him. Alexander slowly hug her back and Peggy cupped the back of his head as she rocked them. She must have learned that by Angelica, Alexander thought surly. So many people keep doing that as if they were trying to protect me, he continued, well it's too late for that.

“God I'm sorry! After everything that happened with that woman—I just wasn’t thinking!” Peggy rushed out as she tugged him back into the mansion. Alexander just smiled, I overthink everything, honestly, he thought. He tugged her down on the couch and tucked his feet underneath him.

“Peggy,” he said softly. He noticed Angelica and Eliza standing at the top of the stairs. “It’s alright, really,” he insisted, loudly so they could all hear. “Now,” he cleared his throat, “any cute boys that caught your interest?” Alexander laughed when they all immediately straightened.

 

“Hello?” Alexander opened the door after coming back from his classes. “Huh, I guess no one is here. Classes probably,” Alexander assumed, quickly dismissed his worries. He swung open the door which he hoped was his room as he scrolled through his messages to throw his bag near his desk.

Alexander looked up just as he was about to close his door before he realized that his room didn't have color. It was bland, not navy. So, who's room was this? John's, Alexander immediately thought when he noticed the sketchbook and the pencils on the desk.

Alexander shook his head, he never been here before. He crouched down to get his bag and his fingers brushed the papers of the sketchbook. Curious, he peeked a look and his face immediately felt hot. There were rough sketches of him with Thomas, Lafayette and his friends and in the center was Alexander smiling shyly with his hands clasped behind him.

“I shouldn't be here,” Alexander breathed out. He grabbed his bag and bolted, closing the door behind him. He rushed to his room after double checking that it was in fact his before throwing himself on his bed. He looked around, god my room is depressing looking. “Whatever,” he mumbled to himself as he wanted for his cheeks to cool down.

Alexander shyly took a picture of his upper body on the bed making a peace sign before scrawling a message on it. ' _Hey do you want to hang out some time?'_ He should hang out with James, someone who is calm (and scary when he wants to) and rational. He should learn more about him anyways, he thought guiltily, Thomas talks about him so much it would be wrong to not do so.

 _‘Sure, the library?’_ Alexander smiled at the immediate response. He learned that from Peggy, to take a somewhat cute picture to get people to do what they want. Alexander typed his response back and rolled himself on his side, closing his eyes the sketches burned in his head.


	5. The Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School sucks. I suck. Glad we're on the same wavelength now md also this sucks because this is when I left the fandom. Sorry

"Ooh, that’s good!” Alexander said in awe. James smiled lightly as Alexander kept peeking at his work to intertwine it with his so when they add them together their essay makes sense. They were paired up together as partners for one of their class with another person, but he got sick so it’s just James and Alexander for now.

This is great, Alexander thought, I’m spending time with James and we’re both finishing up our projects! See, I am smart, Alexander thought triumphantly as he finished another page. “Alexander? Are you okay? Something seems to be on your mind?”

“Uh, what?” Alexander’s train of thought popped. “No, nothing… actually! James say hypothetically that you saw something that you’re pretty sure the other person didn’t want you to see? And, like it’s still in your mind because it’s something that never happened to you?” Alexander asked, wide-eye.

James stared at him, thinking. John or Thomas, James immediately thought. “Well, it depends on what they did. Let’s say they killed someone. Logically, it would be to put a safe distance between them and get the authorities. But, say it was like something they wrote, or anything like that then you should probably ask for an explanation,” James droned on and stopped when Alexander stopped writing.

“Alexander be honest with me,” James said quietly, leaning forward so Alexander could hear. “Was It Thomas or John? I swear to god whatever Thomas did to make you uncomfortable I’ll punch him all the way back to Virginia which he loves so much,” James finished mockingly bringing a smile to Alexander’s lips, but he shook his head. “John?” Honestly, he wasn’t surprised.

“Uh, you see— _John!”_ Alexander immediately shot up to wave John over. James looked a bit confused before he made a sound of realization. He wasn’t calling the John they were talking about, he was calling John— “Jay!”

Jay sniffed and plopped down next to Alexander with his laptop. James accepting the closing of their conversation turned back to his laptop also. Alexander let out a breath of relief and turned to Jay to catch him up.

  
Alexander absentmindedly clicked on his document occasionally glancing at his door that he left open. It was such a rare sight that Thomas occasionally peeped in, suspicious. He was on his stomach, legs bent with his feet in the air occasionally locking ankles and swinging them when he heard the door open. He stopped and stared at the door intently waiting for John to pass by. Then he did.

John passed by, tiredly and he glanced to his right when he caught the rare sight of Alexander's door open. He shared a look with Thomas before— “John?” Alexander immediately shut his laptop and ushered him in.

“Alexander, what's up?” He smiled when Alexander rolled on his back and tipped his head back to look at him upside down.

“Mm. So, I have a confession to make,” Alexander admitted. John raised a brow and crouched down to meet his eyes. “I may or may not have seen one of your sketches.”

“Alexander, that's fine?” John stated, confused. “I always show you my stuff? So, what's up?”

“Not always,” he mumbled, embarrassed. John felt his stomach twist with dread as his mind raced at the possibilities. Sure, he doesn't show Alexander everything because some were embarrassing doodles which he made to accommodate his fantasies with past crushes or dark wishes he wanted on some people. So, what did he see? John waited anxiously.

“I thought your room was my room, so I went in but then I noticed that my desk didn't have a sketchbook on it, so I looked at it and,” Alexander paused. “I saw a few sketches of me on there? And I wanted to know why?” Alexander looked at him, curious.

“Oh,” John said with relief. “I do that with everybody I meet, you know? It's a strange habit of mine, I guess? I can stop it though, if it makes you uncomfortable,” he mumbled, sheepishly.

Alexander never seen him like this. “Oh no, it’s fine if it’s a habit. I totally get what you mean, though I used to doodle how the Washington’s were like when they fostered me at me first. It’s nice to see your sketches you know?” Alexander finished shyly.

“Great,” John said with a grin. “I’ll let you look at all of them another time.”

 

“Hey! Hey, Alexander!” Alexander looked up from his bagel to see James rushing towards him. Thomas stood a few feet behind, dumbfounded before chasing after him also. “So, how did it go?”

“How did what go?”

“It went fine,” Alexander responded happily completely ignoring Thomas. “Turns out it’s just a habit that he does with everyone.” James frowned in confusion and opened his mouth to say something before Thomas grabbed both of their arms.

“Come on! We’re going to be late to class and you have to explain to me ‘how whatever went’ later,” Thomas said quickly, dragging them out of the halls. Alexander quirked an amused smile and James just stuck to not saying anything.

 

“Hey, John,” James greeted. It was a few days after the incident, James thought before looking back at John. John jumped and looked up from his book surprised.

“Hey, man,” John replied, smiling. He was usually chill around James because James just had a calming aura around him. “What can I do for you?” John smiled nervously. Despite his calm aura James scared everybody with his dull eyes and surprisingly loud voice.

“Just wanted to know when you picked up the habit of drawing the people you meet,” James said bluntly. John felt heat creeping up his neck and could _feel_ his ears hot. “You know I never pegged you as the type of person to stare at someone for an hour to draw them,” James continued despite John’s wide eyes. _How did he know?!_ “Come on, John everyone knows that you only do detailed works and that you despise rough works that did not match whatever you were trying to draw.”

“I uh—what?” John sputtered and glanced nervously at the Library’s exit. “Where did you hear that from?” He hissed, embarrassed. “What are you talking about?!” He finished loudly.

“From the boy you drew yourself,” James told him and neatly wrote down the date at the top of his book. Huh, James thought impressed, it already had been more than 2 months since Alexander came to College. “I saw your sketchbook once, you know?” James said, and John was starting to regret drinking that night because it prompted him to forget his sketchbook in class because of his hangover.

“From what I gathered,” James continued. “You only draw sketches of your crushes. Care to elaborate?” James raised his eyebrows at the flustered John.

 

“No! You rather give the---!” James and John both looked up from where they both have been sitting outside of a café to catch sight of two familiar people arguing. Their voices were loud and angry, and James and John glanced at each other surprised.

“Alexander?” They both questioned and slipped on their book bags to jog closer to the two. Alexander had his hair in a low bun his head tucked in a beanie, dressed in a sweater and thick jacket to battle against the harsh, cold breeze. He didn't look the most intimidating, but they couldn't help but take a step back when they saw the flames and anger in his eyes. His eyes, they never seen them cold blue-violet because normally they were bright, full of intelligence.

“Alexander?” John repeated, bewildered. He never seen the young boy so breathless and angry. Thomas stopped and looked away, crossing his arms he frowned when James stared at him disapprovingly.

“Oh hi, John!” Alexander stopped and beamed up at him, the fire gone. “We were just discussing what we stumbled upon the internet,” Alexander explained and took a step away from Thomas. James crinkled his nose, but John wasn't easily swayed.

“The internet? That's the worst place to go for hotheads like you!” James told Thomas, snarky.

“Aww, you think I'm hot,” Thomas teasingly cooed.

“What were you guys arguing about then?” John asked, stepping in front of Alexander's line of vision just as James reeled his hand back. Alexander made a noise of protest before looking at John disinterested.

“Sorry what?” Alexander blinked before nodding to himself. “Ah, it doesn't matter. Just silly debate stuff,” Alexander added after a moment of silence. Thomas grunts and pushes himself away from James.

“It wasn't silly debate stuff! We used this app that gave us debate topics,” Thomas explained to the two, motioning to his phone quickly. “So, we got this topic—”

“That happened years—decades ago!” Alexander interjected.

“And I was agreeing with what person #1 who eventually turned out to be president said and Alexander didn't so then we--!” A beep cut him off. Alexander shot Thomas an apologetic smile before turning off the alarm from his watch.

“Class! Gotta go! See you!” Alexander rushed out and turned to leave but then James remembered something. Snagging the younger boy's wrist, he said,

“Alexander, there's going to be a party tonight. I would like for you to come with us, so I won't have to deal with drunk buffoons alone.” Alexander quirked a hesitant smile.

“Okay…” John had a sinking feeling about it but instead he bid the two goodbye, before heading back to the dorms.

 

“Alexander! You came!” John exclaimed when Alexander and Lafayette entered the house. Alexander swept his eyes over the place and John shivered when those piercing blue-violet eyes fell on him.

“No drugs, alcohol, and don't hook up with anybody!” Lafayette said loudly that John could now hear when they got closer. Alexander looked at him amused.

“Might as well have went to the library with a book,” he retorted but offered Lafayette a reassuring smile. “Don't worry, go have fun.” With reluctance he peeled himself away from the redhead and vanished in the crowds. Alexander' piercing eyes slid back to John and smiled.

He didn't know how he got here. One second, he was leaning against the wall next to the small redhead when Thomas had stumbled with another girl next to them. They both jumped and tripped away, and the flashing lights dimmed before brightening, allowing them to see themselves draped over each other.

He didn't understand. One second Alexander was apologizing, and the next John was cupping his cheek, arm pressed against the wall kissing him. Kissing him, John remembered, the addicting sweet taste and then he was gone. Slipped away when the lights dimmed and when they brightened Alexander was gone.

 

He was slightly intoxicated, John sadly thought, face buried in his pillow. Alexander left early and hasn't been back since then. I'll wait for when classes are over, John promised, then we’ll talk. We'll talk, he reassured himself and closed his eyes for a nap.

 


	6. Just Listen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! I finally POSTED THIS! IT'S DONEEE, I'M FREE

I'm going to turn 21 soon, Alexander thought dimly as he wrote down his response. It's been five years, he still was going to College to continue his law career. He eventually had to leave the dorms to get himself a small one-bedroom apartment, so the Washington’s can support Lafayette properly with his career choice.

“Alexander!” Someone called out and pounded on his door. Frustrated he ripped the door open, book in hand he shoved it to the tall man.

“ _Lafayette_ ,” he snapped. “I have neighbors, _please_!” Taking in a deep breath he calmed himself down before his eyes snapped open. “Oh, you’re not Gilbert.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I’m not,” John replied dryly before taking the book gently. He got taller, John noted when Alexander didn’t take a step back to look at him properly, but still short. Alexander looked embarrassed rocked on his heels. “This is all Lafayette needed right?”

“Uh yes,” mumbled the redhead before he shyly glanced at him. “It’s nice to see you again, John,” he finally added. John smiled tiredly at the young man and agreed. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” John turned around quickly but Alexander only closed the door behind him.

“I need to go the library,” he said instead and started to walk down the stairs. Disappointed, John followed after him. Might as well say it, he thought.

“Listen, Alexander, I’m sorry,” John blurted, and Alexander stopped at the landing.

“What?”

“I’m sorry that I did that, but it was because the lights made you look---”

“John,” Alexander interrupted. “It’s okay, it was just an accident I know,” he said reassuringly. “You were drunk.”

“No, Alex that’s not true,” John snapped, his hand gripping Alexander’s smaller hand. “You don’t get to say that when you don’t know! I like you, okay? I liked you the moment you started to talk to me that I was then able to talk to you without feeling the embarrassment from the moment we shared when we were younger.”

“I tried really hard,” he swallowed thickly, “to not mess things up again. You were going to College and I wasn’t going to mess things up but then you were acting like I was your friend so I didn’t---I didn’t mean to.” His voice cracked. “I wouldn’t have done it if I had known that you wouldn’t have spoken to me for _five years_ ,” he stressed out.

 _“John,”_ Alexander breathed out. Watching the older man hold back his tears made his eyes sting too. ‘I thought I was doing you a favor,” he wept quietly. John’s face crumbled at the noise and then he was holding the redhead to his chest. “I thought you didn’t mean it, so I didn’t want to make you embarrassed and you were friends with Lafayette, so I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“I’m sorry,” Alexander whispered and hugged him back gingerly. John shook his head and chuckled.

“This was not how I was expecting to apologize to you,” he admitted, and Alexander nodded. “I didn’t think I would even get to hear an explanation.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Alexander sniffed and wiped his nose with his sleeve. “Start over?” John nodded and grasped his outstretched hand.

 

 

_“Alexander?” Thomas questioned when he noticed Alexander on the floor packing. “What are you doing?”_

_“I want to try living by myself for a while,” he said as he stuffed a shirt away. “I realized that I’m always depending on other people and I want to do this myself.”_

_“What about money?”_

_“I didn’t tell you guys, but I’ve been working with the guy who is in charge of the offices and council meetings, you know? I’ve been saving up and uh...I’m going to be changing Colleges real soon,” he admitted, and Thomas startled._

_“What since when?”_

_“I got it a few days ago and I wasn’t really considering going but something recently happened, and it convinced me to go. They’re offering me a scholarship there too but it’s a very promising college too for students who want to pursue anything in the law area.”_

_“Oh. Well, do you need help?” When he nodded Thomas took to grabbing the pictures that Alexander had scattered around._

 

_“It’s not too far,” Alexander insisted when he was going behind the wheel. “I can drive back here in maybe a hour and half and we could hang out then.” Lafayette nodded sullenly._

_“You sure you don’t want any of us to drive you there, instead?” Eliza asked, and Alexander glanced at the group._

_“No, it’s okay. I got this, well see you some time later then?” They nodded and watched as he slowly pulled out from his parking spot before turning around the corner, disappearing for a few months._

“Well, come on then! I want to show you around the campus! They have this gigantic library and---!” Alexander continued happily, and John smiled down at him. Their hands were still clasped together.

This isn’t too bad, he thought as Alexander tightened his grip. A new start, he continued, at least he listened.

Thank god he didn’t leave the moment he got the book, John thought as he peered down at the book. He stared down at it confused, this is the book Lafayette wanted? Maybe he grabbed the wrong one? Wait... isn’t this mine? He opened the book and was startled to find a paper taped there. It was the sketch Alexander found in my room, he realized and felt his face burn.

Lafayette can get himself another copy, he thought as he slipped the book in his bag.

_Thank god we both just listened._

 


End file.
